One of the hardest thing about being in a rehab hospital with multiple severe wounds is the countless dressing changes and the pain that accompanies them.
Every day I have to have my back wound change two to three times, my stomach wound changed twice, my colostomy cleaned out, and then every Monday, Wednesday and Friday the wound speciaist comes to remove my leg wrapping and vac and re-do it. The reality is that although remaining positive is ideal, several times a day I break.
I have learned that letting myself cry when I need to is ok, being scared is ok, and yet at the same time I could still pull strength from God. It is amazing I am here.
Tonight Sean walked in after a long day of work, his eyes full of love and yet full of fatigue. Every day he drives to the rehab hospital after work to sleep next to me. He holds me from side to side as they clean me, and we hold hands. Times like this I find joy and sadness, as I long to be healed and back home with nursing care.
Then I have to keep in mind progress- today in physical therapy I walked again. Today I did a step up on a step platform, although it hurt and I was weak- I did it. One of m y wounds around my hip is getting smaller, so although I have a new infected stomach wound- other parts are healing. My parents arrived into town today, what sweet joy it is to hug them.
I am continuing to try to learn acceptance, patience, and still fight. Until then, I will let the laughter, tears, smiles, and silence be a part of me- and I will continue to look towards God to heal me so I can be a wife, and a light.