Category Archives: Kellys

A funny thing happened on the way to my kidney…


Well, not really funny per say.. but I couldn’t help but reference the famous “A funny thing happened on the way to the forum”, which was such a great farce musical comedy. Somedays I feel like Im in my own farce musical comedy.  I think back to those days of drama class and acting with Ms. Bonnick. Thank God for theater.. really.  Holy coping.

Last night, I felt sick. With almost every breath nausea surrounded me. I awoke many times to vomit but my stomach just felt like one solid painful unit that was not releasing anything (solid that is). The last several days Ive found myself belching like a “True Kelly”, only repeatedly (maybe a true Kelly) with heart burn, dizziness, and over all pain.  My surgeon called me last evening to check in.  I explained the tremendous pain I was still in and how much this surgery took me a bit by surprise.


I have had many many surgeries, and a whole lot of pain. For some reason, fixing my kidney seemed small and more annoying to be “patient” through the healing process than actually borderline “Desiring to just lay in bed and whimper” pain.

In the hospital, I was on narcotics.. A lot of them. Since I have been home I have taken maybe three milligrams of Oxycodone a day. I would much rather be “clear headed” and not so constipated I feel like Im going to poop out of my mouth, then doped up day after day, week after week on the couch watching soaps.. I’ve just never worked that way.  Sleep seemed the best route, and walking as much as my body allows, hydrating, and eating as much nutritious healing foods as my poor beat up stomach would allow.. until I need to sleep again..

Upon talking to this incredibly prestigious Yale Surgeon he seemed to almost chuckle.. “Colleen, you had major, major surgery”. He then began explaining that he needed to “dissect” my mid section in order to even get to my kidney and ureters. I had massive scar tissue in the abdomen which makes sense.. and still do, according to him, but he only removed what he needed to so he could get the job done. The other interesting thing was that my kidney was literally tucked up BEHIND my pancreas. So, he had to painstakingly “free” poor Clyde that was smooshed up where he wasn’t supposed to be.  He then proceeded to tell me he removed a good part of my ureter that was too narrowed and closed off to work effectively, and removed the lower section of my kidney, then fixed it and sewed it back together.  Ugh.  Poor Clyde still and will ever only function at a 20%, but that little guy is pretty happy about his GPA.

I thought once again about the game “OPERATION” and my strong desire to be that board game for Halloween. Ending our conversation with a strong release of gas from mouth,  I thanked him.  He reminded me that I WILL feel better, but I had to just stay the course.  If I could endure the lack of narcotics, so be it.. keep trying to let my stomach and organs “release back into a state of OOOOOOHM” and we would see each other in three weeks, pull out this nasty stint and I could hopefully get on with my life, until I needed to get my next round of surgeries started.   Image

Ive been amazed at what the human body is capable of actually doing. I have learned so much about my own self, and what we are capable of. I have also learned that sheer will isn’t everything. Upbringing also rings in. I have a stubborn dad, stubborn grandparents, and over all a stubborn family tree.. Where many may have laid on the couch.. it seems our roots fought like the belching crew that we are to keep going. Im reminded again of this just this week when my Dear Uncle Jack had a massive cancerous mass removed from his pancreas and stomach area.  He had no idea anything was wrong.. just living in his seventies, traveling the country with his bride since their early twenties.. and suddenly he dropped.  He was told if they did not remove this mass, he would die.. soon..  So he is laying in a hospital room in Arizona right now.. healing after a very radical and invasive surgery on a man that already had a heart condition. God Speed my family and ancestors.

So, in the greatness of my inpatient rehab centers daily question… “What is today’s goal?”.. Well, to try to find humor in this mess.. more humor. To embrace my body again as the unit it is.. With Bonnie and Clyde, Hoops and Yo-Yo, and Thomas The Engine that could, and Molly Shannon (Those are all body parts).

My goal is to try to eat a little more, and pray my belly can breathe a little stronger.. and to hold up my family in prayers of gratitude.

I have my blood ancestral family, and then I have all of you. We are all belching burping Kellys.